bitching about. So, I'm depressed. I'm bummed out. I got the blues. I had to take my son to a

classmate's uh birthday party today. The other kid is turning five. And you know,

kids like to turn up. It seemed like it's a party every week or baseball practice or something like that every week. And uh

man, it has been a struggle. It's been a grind just like like getting myself up

just like dragging myself like out of bed or out the house or whatever cuz I don't know what it is about like the

latter part of this year. I don't know if it's like seasonal depression or

whatever the case may be cuz I'm I'm the kind of person that like I really don't get depressed per se. I will um

be bummed out for a second, something happened, you know, I'll be jacked up for a second and get right back to it.

But this has been going on for like a minute and it's been like a a lot of like a lot

of I guess layers to it. Like life is very nuanced, you know? It's just been like

I'm Mr. Glass. Like keep getting a lot of injuries.

And my cousin was like, "Hey, you getting hurt cuz you stopped eating meat." He was like, "You need that meat

in your life." But uh that that's not the case. It just is what it is. But

uh yeah, kind of like injuryprone uh nowadays.

And I'm I'm I'm 40, man. I didn't start getting injured till like 38. I went a

whole life with a pretty much like a flawless victory.

But um like I said, when I when when I ruptured my bicep, the doctor was like, "Oh, you lucky that this happened when

you were in good shape." She said, "Oh, you're in very good shape." So, you know, the recovery isn't going to be uh

the recovery isn't going to be too long. And uh the recover the recovery is pretty quick. I'm back at work, but I'm

on light duty. And the whole recovery process is going to be like eight months. So, now I'm just

I rather be back at work doing my job than on light duty. I'd rather be, you know, carrying my mail than on light

duty. And I'm just um man, it didn't cross my mind for a split

second to like, man, I'm in the office. I'm not really going outside getting dirty. I'm not worried about dogs. I'm

not worried about weather. I'm in the office. Like, it's I'm not outside in the cold. I'm not outside in the hot. I

was like, man, I should uh like consider going into management.

And then I was like, nah. Because I already kind of like to a large degree, I feel like I already sacrificed

a lot of myself, so to speak. And that's just on some like self-reflection type [ __ ] Like I think that

I have been reluctant to do things and hesitant to do things. And that's why things haven't worked out. you got to

strike while the iron's hot. And then sometimes I'll get this idea

of, oh, you could do this uh because it will work right now or you could get this and

it will be the fix. And I know something like that, like maybe switching crafts or maybe going into management will be

the fix. Excuse me. It would be like the salary. Like I said, I wouldn't be outside um

you know, in the elements, but I would be trading one headache for another. And maybe this is dumb or maybe it's it just

selfish or maybe I got delusions of grandeur. But another thing that I was thinking was like they already be pretty

hot on people about like social media and about content because it damages the

brand allegedly. So they be on people bumper about content. But I think that comes second to

why would a company or why would the oppressor or the slaver enslaver

want you to do something that could possibly be prosperous? It's something that just might work cuz

all this content and all this stuff it's it's a it's a dice roll. I'm as likely to make it as I'm likely to fail.

And it's just like, yeah, I think that them worrying about damage being done to

the brand is second to having another person being liberated.

Cuz when I got injured, I was so thankful for my job cuz I was thankful for my

health insurance. It was a lifesaver. I'm thankful for the consistent check that I get every two weeks. My job is a

good job, allegedly. You feel me? So, I do show my gratitude

and I do get it and I'mma always give credit where credit is due.

But boy has going back to work been depressing. When I was off work, I was dropping my kid off at school, picking

them up from school, errands was being ran. You know, I was uh running a little

bit more cuz I wasn't exhausted from a 8 plus hour day.

And I was uh pardon me, I'm a little bit sick. Wasn't tired or stressed out or angry

from an eight hour plus day. So I could like kind of come in and eat and run a

little bit and even man talk to my wife a little bit nicer, be a little bit cooler, had a little bit less edge about

myself. But man, is it just like

back in the saddle and it's just a necessary evil, you know? I'm not

putting that um depression on my job, so to speak, because everything

that's going on with us, it's this institutionalized state of

mind that we living in and institutional racism and hyper

individuality and hyper capitalism. It's all

contingent upon each other. Like it's I was talking to the homie one time and he was talking about how

man people don't have money and this is messed up in the economy. It's a nasty

AMG Mercedes sounds sexy. Um

and he was talking about you know money and the halves and the have nots and I was telling him what people got to

realize how people are brokers and people are living in destitute and people are poor and people are rich and

people are wealthy. It's all by design. And the system is working perfectly. The rich is supposed to get richer and the

poor is supposed to get poorer. And in my summation, in my theory, it's going to be abject poverty. It's going to be

extreme wealth. And only thing that's going to be in the middle is AI. It's not going to be no middle class and no middle ground. I think that the elites

have nothing more on their agenda than to destroy all this. open up the gap

between the wealth and the poverty and destroy everything in the middle because the middle class was built on the

ability to prosper and elevate to a higher class. That's why it's called middle, not front or back.

And just thinking about all of it is just like, man, it's it's it's a burden. It's um it's very depressing and like I

am like really depressed because

man I um I probably remember the last time I prayed it was probably like cuz I'm

atheist. I remember the last time I prayed. The last time I prayed was probably like

2019. No, hell no. Not 2019. Maybe 09 was probably like the last time I

prayed. literally legitimately because I would have to ask my brother. I was helping my brother move from Englewood

to Hollywood and that would that was literally like probably

I was telling him about the last time I prayed. So if that was 09 I had to stop praying 3 years before that. It was probably like 06 05

03. But what I prayed for was ignorance.

Because I think about people that work 9 toive jobs and they punch the clock and they pay their bills and ignorance is

bliss. And they just go on about their life, you know, no more, no less. You

know, you probably not thinking about the homeless person is sleeping in a cardboard box better than some worse

than others. You probably not thinking about what you could do to elevate your life and be in a better position

in in in this country. You're probably not thinking about going up or going down. No lateral moves, no mobility.

Just punch the clock and just be high off life and just be happy to be alive and just be like a a kind of zombie just

with with the routine just on some peeon type stuff. And I I prayed for that. I

prayed to be like an ignorant zombie. Nobody answered my prayers because I was just thinking about like if I was just

mindless, if I just would go to and from work and just had a necessities and just

do what I needed to do, I wouldn't be looking at like, man, I would like a nice crib,

but look how much a nice crib costs. I wouldn't be thinking about, man, I would like this car, but look how much this

car costs. Not thinking about, man, I want to travel. Look how much travel costs, accommodations,

you know what I'm saying? the the the the whole get down. Um

I wouldn't I I think that if I was just a mindless zombie that would just go with the play and just go with the program, I think that I would no longer

have to worry about like how am I

individual? And I don't mean individual in the sense of American individuality.

Screw everybody but me. I'm only looking out for my own best interests. you know, crabs in a barrel, I kick you back down.

I'm not think I'm not talking about individual individuality in that kind of way. I mean, how am I individual in

me staying true to myself and me staying true to my soul and the way that I walk, the way that I talk, the way that I

dress is a product of me and designed by me. You know what I'm saying?

It's a Jay-Z line for everything. And big said, "Hove, please remind

yourself. Nobody built like you. You designed yourself."

I agreed. I said, "My one of a kind self get stoned every day like Jesus did."

Yeah. But the indiv individuality thing is just the designing of myself,

cultivating, you know, a look, a sound, a feel, a vibe. Um,

going with the essence of myself, what's true to me, staying true to how I feel

opposed to what the norm is, doing what everybody else do, being with the trend, playing it safe, blending into the

crowd, being part of the herd. I've never been able to do it. I don't

think I ever will. I really don't. But

yeah, the depression is pretty heavy. And uh I think that I really realized that how depressed I am when I started

therapy. I started therapy this year and I'm going uh once a week every week. My

therapist said like, "I don't know." Um yeah, in our initial meeting and initial

assessment, I didn't know that you had as much trauma as you do, and we should give you an evaluation for uh PTSD. And

if you like, we can probably push these sessions to two times a week, but I would have to think about how to write

it up to justify it. And man, I I like I like my therapist.

They uh pardon me, I'm sick. Um in the

evaluation, they hey, what kind of what kind of therapist do you want? Do you have I guess people have biases and

sexisms and racisms and such. So they were like, "Oh, you know, do you have a preference in a therapist, male or

female, woman? Do you have a preference

in race?" God damn. It's like a Mark 7 GTI satin red,

slammed on the ground, three-piece wheels, chrome roll cage. I really like cars. A purple one just went that way,

too. You heard it.

I like cars. At some point, I got to figure out how to do something to check chicken to get chili in in this America.

It's enough money for me. It's enough money for you. It's enough money for everybody. Just got to figure out how to

pry it out the hands of the devil. But well, actually, no, that's cap cuz I'm not going that route. This is a Tribe

Called best. And everything that I'm trying to do with a Tribe Called Best is direct to consumer, direct to my bestie.

Um, when it does come a time where there is merch or this could be monetized or

it's a Patreon or y'all want to drop cash apps or whatever, it's going direct to consumer, direct to customer straight

to my bestie. I don't even want no middleman. I don't want to live off sponsorships or dealerships. It it is

some companies that I would like to work with cuz it's some products that I do like. So, I'm not going to say I don't want none of that. But, I see a lot of

these content creators are [ __ ] hawking products that it don't even seem like they believe in. like nobody

believe in. Damn, it must be Volkswagen day. This is the third GTI hitting the corner.

It's not a GTI. It's a R32. Sexy.

Um, I'm sick, too. That's why I sound like crap. But yeah, a lot of content

creators is like, first everybody was selling flashlights. Now everybody is selling factor mills.

And by the way, I got those factor mills. They were awful.

My wife had them. They was awful. They that that factor was was a no bueno. That factor was a nogo. But I don't want

to get into this mode of hawking products that I don't believe in to keep the lights on to to keep a roof over my

head. I I want to build relationships to where I could

not have a ceiling and and set my price. Like at at my job, at your job, at everybody else job, you got a ceiling.

You got a cap as to, you know, as to how high you can go, as to how much you can get paid, as to what you can do for

work. I can't be at work doing what I want to do.

But I'm looking for like autonomy and the ability to write

my own check and make my own ceiling. There there will be no ceiling, but you know, eat what you kill and

had his cultlike, you know, support base.

that that will that will push me through and hopefully be as loyal to me as I would be to them.

Cuz this is just not I'm not doing this just to do it. I'm not one of these people that started

allegedly podcasting cuz it's a lick. Every ex alete, old ass rapper, every

every every dumbass bimbo without a brain in their head is a podcaster.

I'm not doing this for nothing. And a lot of people is doing it cuz what they was doing either a ran this course and

they going to do something else to check chicken cuz they got brand cash cache

or it's people that ain't got nothing going and they are doing this cuz they know

it's a lick. They know it's a come up. They know it's in vogue in style the flavor dour.

But yeah, it was so like I was saying earlier with the with the depression, I

think that I kind of realized that I'm depressed once I started going to therapy. I I was saying earlier that

they asked me what's my preference, a man or a woman. I said a woman. They asked me what's my preference, what was

my preference as far as race. I chose a black woman. This my first time ever going to therapy, ever having a

therapist, and she feels like a glove, like a perfect fit.

I mean, we'll see. You know, time will tell. But yeah, I think when I started

like talking to her every day and sharing my opinion with a person that's

not in my circle, not a friend or family or a colleague and I started to get

cuz I will ask her for her personal opinion as well as what is the medical

opinion, what is what is the book saying, you know, how is my um how am I like other

humans cuz we all the same to some degree. You know, how am I like, how am I different? What is this? What is that?

What should I be doing? Can you fix me, woman? It's it's me that has to do the work.

She just got to give me the tools. But that that's a joke. But yeah, fix me though. Um

and yeah, so I was in there and it was crazy because I'd be like, I feel like this and and I feel like that. And then

she would ask me, "Oh, why? Why this? Why this? What's that? What's that? Have you tried this? And she she gave me a

couple um like she kind of showed me how the sausage was made. She gave me a couple of um

answers as to like it's all leading back to

I guess trying to assuage my pain. 40year-old I'm trying to pacify and

trying to soothe my little boy like trying to fix the inadequacies.

uh that I feel I'm having and I'm overcompensating and I think the depression is coming

from um I'm feeling like I'm overcorrecting

cuz like a lot of things that you do in life come with no ROI and that's that's to be expected. Everything doesn't work

instantly. Everything is not like going to work. That's fine cuz I'm not doing it for the destination. I'm doing it for

the process. I'm sorry to sound like a Hallmark green card. I'm not trying to sound weird, but I am doing it for the process

because life is nothing but a process. When I die one day and I'm gone, that's the finish line. And it's not

even the finish line cuz I don't know if I'm reincarnated. I don't know where I'm going to go next. But that's the finish line of this lifetime.

So life is nothing but the progress because while I'm here, sorry, process.

Cuz while I'm here, it's how do I live each day? How do I stay healthy each day? How do I love myself each day? How do I love my wife and my kid each day?

How do I go to work and not get fired?

Cuz people got it people got it twisted. Like it is nothing but a process. It's

all process and no finish line and no goal. Because I've had a couple goals that I've accomplished. When you

accomplish a goal, it never feels like you expected it to feel ever.

You you you paint this picture and you got all these ideas of like when you do this, you going to feel like this. when you do this, this is going to happen.

And a goal never feels like like what you imagine it to feel like.

And I'm fine with that, too. But I'm just trying to get used to the process

cuz I guess just being depressed has been more motivational because I've been

thinking more about now the process of getting out of depression.

Now that I'm feeling like depressed, I won't go as far as to say that this

crippling depression, but I am at about 50%, maybe 40%, but

figuring out how to get out of depression and figuring out how to um

like like break those break those cycles and kind of break the chains of like what me got what got me here into the first place.

Like what made me mentally, you feel me? and spiritually feel the way that I feel to be in the position that I am right

now today in my life. Cuz it's crazy. I was like,

man, I went look see I got a uh look at my hair. I went a couple days ago got a

spank new haircut and I was feeling sexy for like a minute and then the depression was like, "Hey,

remember what we doing? We depressed. Get off that haircut. Get back on this."

And it's it's just been um yeah, it's been plaguing me. It's it's been heavy because

I was saying overcorrecting and over overcompensating has been this quest to

every day wake up. How could I do this different? How could I do this better? How could I do more of this and more of

that? And it's not even a about what could I do more of and what could I do better?

I'm only asking myself what could I do more of and what could I do better? 946

Porsche turbo only asking myself what could I do more of and what could I do

better because I'm trying to do better than what I did last time or do better than

the people before me or around me. So, it's just been like

I don't know at this point. Like I said, I wanted to to shoot myself in the face when I consider like, "Hey, maybe you

should go into management cuz that'll be a change of pace." Cuz I asked my therapist, I said,

"Pardon me, I'm sick." Asked my therapist. I said, "I'm I'm I'm kind of wrestling with this idea of like,

is me wanting to be me wrong? is me wanting to be authentic wrong and is me

being a real boy wrong. Like, should I have just

tucked my shirt in and and got a haircut and not had tattoos and and and not had

facial hair and got some kind of degree or certification and just been like content to to to

punch a clock or have whatever I don't know, menial, repetitious

um soulkilling job until I die. cuz I guarantee that most of the things I

could have got into probably would have made me more money than I'm making now. And I've had opportunities to make more money. And of course, I blew it.

I have had opportunities to be in better positions to make more money. And of course, I blew it.

But I was asking her like, man, would like it's no space for regrets. It's no room

for regrets unless you have a time machine. But I was asking her like I'm asking like, do you think that's part of

the depression? Do you think that I'm sitting back ruminating like, "Oh yeah, maybe that that that going

with the grain, just going into the herd, just going alone to get along probably would have suited me better."

And that's something that we have to discuss and think about

cuz I'm starting like not feeling so good physically, not

feeling so good like mentally, spiritually. I did sit down last night.

I turned all the lights off and it's just me, my laptop,

and some water with lemon. I just sat there with all the lights off on the

laptop like, "All right, 2026 is a different approach. This is what you're

going to do. This is how you're going to do it. This is why you're going to do it."

I'm planning my content schedule and calendar and and I'm just trying to set

the tone for my whole vibe for next year and how I could just kill it next year.

This is my first year of content. I don't have any digital footprint. I'm kind of like a nobody. I'm just a square

from Delaware. Nobody knows me. It's me, Nalo. But nobody knows me.

Next year is going to be different. Next year is going to be bigger. next year is going to be better because more emphasis is going into planning it and it's more

just like big me. Like I'm just

to a very large degree I'm not going to cap. I hate people that use these buzz words and trigger words. I hate y'all cuz y'all use these words incorrectly

and y'all just use these words because they trendy. I use words by definition.

I am a bit of a narcissist or just a straight out narcissist. Whatever. A spade is a spade. And I've been kind of

selfish by being absorbed with myself thinking that

this was going to happen and it was going to be for people around me to help me and people around me to be supportive. But like they say it's

lonely at the top and success is lonely. I have nothing. I'm not at the top. I'm not even at the bottom yet. I'm barely

in probably like step one. But I ain't got nare net accomplishment or success.

And it still feels lonely because I think that the process and the the the

road trip the the the road to get to where you're going is just as lonely as the destination because like I said, I

had to realize like, oh, I'm being self-absorbed. I'm absorbed with myself thinking that the next person is

supposed to love my mission as much as me. Then my next person is supposed to advocate for my successes as much as I

am. It's just big me.

So I have to do this the way that I've done my whole life. My whole life I have just

stood on principle and 10 toes down stood on business. I'm not talking about no gangster [ __ ] I'm not talking about

no stupid street [ __ ] I'm talking about life and morals and principles. My whole life I've been 10 toes down standing in

principles and integrity. And I've just thugged through my whole life. And that's how I'm going to have to do it with with content and becoming a

internet personality and becoming successful and becoming the best podcast on the internet and the outer internet.

I'm only going to become that by just thugging it out. Lonely

dooo. And

I have to prioritize my time better. I I I talk a lot about things that I

hate or dislike. I hate people to say everybody has the same 24 hours. Hate you. That's not true. Everybody does not

have the same 24 hours. I'm going to make a video talking about that. Why everybody doesn't.

But one thing I learned, time is a figment of the imagination. And you can

literally make time. Literally, cuz I've been doing it lately. If I'm sitting down and I'm like, I want to

make content. I want to make idea. I want to do this and that. If you turn off porn,

you could be doing something productive. I want to do something. I got an idea. If I stop scrolling Tik Tok or

Instagram, I could be doing something productive. If I stop sitting down thinking about

doing something, I could actually be doing something. I could be productive.

It's a time for self. It's a time for my wife. It's a time for my kid. It's a time for my my my besties.

It's time for it all. It's just about prioritizing your time and how much you want it. It's it's about the why. Why do

you even want it? Why do you want to make time to pour into yourself?

But time is a figment of the imagination. And I have been learning alchemy. I've been learning how to make

time. And that's a practice that I'm trying to carry over into my next season

of content or hustling or entrepreneurialship, whatever you want to call it. I'm trying to learn how to

carry that over. Um, and the reason I said I've been strategizing for 2026 is because I don't look at

um self-improvement in terms of, oh, I got to make a New Year's resolution.

That's cap. um resolutions and promises and packs are all meant to be broken. I

don't believe in none of that. The reason that I said I'm preparing for 2026 because success has to be measured.

Um how am I doing since I started therapy? How am I doing in a month? 3 months, 6 months, a year, 2 years.

What is my growth since I started content? 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, 2 years. You know, time is is measurement.

Time is the necessary evil. So, I don't believe new year, new me. New year, new

me. I'm in my I'm in my creating era. I'm in my entrepreneur era. I'm

hustling. New year, new me. I'm I'm on my I'm on my grind. I'm on my

entrepreneurial type [ __ ] though. Like, I'm I'm out hereh, man. I'm grinding

like this year. This year, this year, man, you going

[ __ ] all that. [ __ ] the year. Time is a figment of the imagination and it's what you make of it. So, no, it's

not new year, new me. But if you flying a plane and you almost crash, but you're

a competent pilot, you're going to you're going to straighten your wing rudders up and you going to fly straight. You going to correct your

course. And that's what I'm doing. A new me is never a new me. It's always a

better me. It's just in correcting my course. So that's what I've been sitting down

planning and finishing out the first year of a tribe called best and seeing

how 2026 is going to look and approaching it different and approaching it better and doing more and doing more

better.

But this uh man, this this depression ain't gonna hold me down. It's like it's it's heavy. But like I said in this

conversation, I probably said in this podcast, I conversation better. See, you my bestie. We was just talking. It

wasn't even a podcast. I was chopping it up with you. Um, but during Yeah, during the course of this conversation,

I just said therapy a handful of times. And like I said, that that's a step

that's a step into where I'm supposed to be.

Pardon me, I'm sick. And

I'm willing to do the steps. It's not an option. It's mando. I have to do the

steps and I have to do the work because

I have stiff arms to give. I got people to turn my back on and turn down and

turn away. I got people to dismiss. But it's only going it's only going to be contingent on um doing what I was

supposed to do. What's up, homie? What's up, dude? Chilling. How you doing? Hey, you got to get your

streams in. Hey, working, brother. But it's it's all going to be contingent

on like me doing what I'm supposed to do cuz a lot of people like, "Oh, you think you going to pray for a man or pray for

a Porsche or you know, you going to find this this unicorn that a unicorn that that that shits money and rainbows?" And

it's like, it's just all about the work. It's all about the process. It's only contingent upon what you doing. And you

can't be scared of the work cuz the work don't stop. My work is being black. My

work is being a man. My work is being a human. My work is being a dad. My work is being a husband. My work is being an employee.

My work is being nalo. My work is being your bestie. The work is making the best podcast on

the internet and the internet. The work is not going to stop ever until you in

the grave. And you might be sisphus. You understand me?

wanted to get into something a little bit deeper. Um, I went on this rant because I want to give y'all more IRL

stuff. A lot of influencers and content creators is

capping and just talking about [ __ ]

I think that I have in 2025, but if I haven't, if I fell short of the glory, if I fell short of the god damn, if I

fell short of the glory in 2026, I'mma do better. And in 2026, what I'mma have for you is nothing but authenticity and

nothing but realness. And we talking about nothing but IRL content.

We going to put a new face on IRL, man. This IRL content is, "Oh my god, I I wrecked my McLaren.

Oh my god, I I I worked out three times today. Three of days.

Oh my god, I went and bought a Rolex. That's not IRL content because content

because that's aspirational stuff that the average person will never touch. I'm only going to talk to y'all about

what's real. You feel me? That's why we besties. We relatable. I love you.

Get in the comments or get somewhere, man. Um Give me something. What What emoji could

we What emoji could we put in in in in the in the uh What emoji could we put in the in the uh comments

to to to to send some love to to ward away the depression to cast off the

depression? I rebuke you depression. What could we put What could we put in the comments? I don't know. Look, we

going to figure that out. But right now, hey, put some kind of not even a comment. put an emoji

in the uh in the comments. It this is good luck to to to scare off

the depression and so that I can have something bigger and better for y'all in 2026. So 2026 I could come out swinging

and get ready to inspirate and motivate.

Whatever you're trying to do, do it today. Okay? Live today

cuz there's no tomorrow. There's no such thing as tomorrow if you die tonight. Live today. I'm talking to you on this mic.

I'm right now in the moment. I'm present and I'm mindful. You get on it today.

Right now. Cuz I told you to. Cuz I inspired you to do so.